Archive for August, 2009


June 15, 2009

Idealism is utter nonsense and will unwittingly divert one from doing right despite any and all contrary evidence.

This, alas, is why destruction continues to thrive as the de facto mantra of human behavior; because, whether we like it or not, we are all idealistic and conservative in our own right.

Therefore, in order to achieve a greater state of harmony, we must resist all stubborn, myopic, or otherwise narrow-minded propensities.


June 15, 2009

Without a doubt in my mind, music is the most remarkable avenue by which one can express their frustration.  If a man is to be saddened by the fact that his love shares her body with another, he could write a song about how much of a whore he thinks she is.  If a woman fancies the assassination of the town’s sheriff, she could preach so over a pleasant melody.  If I find one’s actions to be unmistakably stupid, I ridicule their lack of wit through song, and potentially dance.

I simply cannot think of a better or a more rewarding way to mock somebody’s behavior than through music.  And, fortunately, there exists an ocean of things, people, and ideas to mock.  Verily, in the same way our world has provided our species with perpetual nourishment and sustenance, our society has provided the creatively minded with great amounts of stupidity for us to sing songs about.

One should feel blessed to live in such a fantastically stupid world.


June 15, 2009

I knew I should have never fallen in love with that blasted gypsy.  But I cannot help myself!  She is a lure to my heart.

Her dreams carry me away to a better and more beautiful world.  And our dreams are shared in the most meaningful of ways.

But alas, love is a rotten thing!  O, what heartache!  What turmoil!  If only she would refrain from being another fleeting soul!


June 16, 2009

The Christiansons, who live in the palace opposite to my shabby little shack, are a happy breed.  As conservative as the Baptists and as rich as Dubai, they are relentlessly American.

Mr. Christianson married Mrs. Christianson because she looked like a cross between Haver and Monroe.  Mrs. Christianson married Mr. Christianson because he became president of the Carnegie Empire of Weapons Manufacturing & Oil Exploration.

Although they do not see one another too often, they love each other very much.  Mr. Christianson is entirely dedicated to the family.  He stays late at the office every evening, working hard to maintain the family’s affluence.   Mrs. Christianson is a good wife and pays little heed to the stiff stains on her husband’s slacks.  Indeed, she spends most of her day in the company of Mr. Hendrickson, the family’s financial adviser.

Mr. and Mrs. Christianson love their three children, Bobby, Patty, and Pamela.  They used to love their oldest son Billy before he threw himself under a train.  The coroner declared the tragic death as an accident.  Mr. and Mrs. Christianson never mentioned the note that read, “Dear mom and dad, this was all your fault ~ Billy.”

The Christiansons are a happy breed.


August 5, 2009

The entirety of our existence must be regarded with relative analysis.  That being said, I have never bought into the proverbial mantra that other regions of our world experience conditions far more severe than the conditions experienced in the United States, and, for that reason, we must learn to live contently.

When fools, conservative pigs, and other such ignorant scoundrels have the audacity to use this particular argument as an ostensibly witty retort, I cannot help but think of the Great Red Spot of Jupiter – a storm within the planet’s atmosphere that is twice as wide as Earth’s diameter.  Since similar chaos on our planet happens to occur on a much smaller scale, does that mean that our chaos is any less severe or that it should be dismissed as mere minutia?  Nay!  And, for that reason, I would recommend packing a large rocket with every buffoon with the nerve to speak such rubbish, and blast them off to the Great Red Spot of Jupiter.

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